|
|
 |
|
|
Sunday, June 27, 2004
sorrry i havent written for so long.
alot has happened but nothing worth sharing
do you beleive in fait? i do. well i didnt until now. so here it goes. i visit rock springs not relaly looking forward to being broed in GR so i go to RS and visit my freind kate and jill. they are going ise blocking with some other ppl. so we are all sitting on jills porch and there is this guy griffin there. way like perfect he is my type all the way. tan, muscular, blonde hair, perfect. so we didnt relalyt alk much when we went to blairtown but when we went on the ropes and i was running back he would always jump to catch my rope and he wlays gpot there first. so we went back to kates just me and her and we were online and we were talkign tohima nd "kate" was akingin him all these questions then i got him email and when igo thome we talked a lil. well we were going to go to a concert today but he was to tired. but when i get home. he is online we literally talk from 12-3am and then he goes tobed lol. well i leardned alot about him and he goes to portland alot to visit familya nd stuff i mean he knows oregion better than i do. and helikes the avs and i donno he like soo perfect! i asked him wat hi fav chip was just being random and he said nacho cheesier,well i was eating those at that moment is that weird or wat! well yea we are hopefullky gong ot hang out tomorrow! i hope i really wanna see him agian before i leave on monday. now i am not saying i am in love at first sight or w,e but this is destiny shit we have potnetial lol. well i am goin to go to bed!
Nighty Night
Whitney
Posted at 02:12 am by Whitney
Permalink
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Ya so I havent really been in the "mood' to write since my mom's and I's last fight. But we are dong all better now.
So recently i have just been going to dances liek every friday! woo hoo! its been tight!
Today...
today i went shoppong with my mom adn brother. We got my graduation shoes and i got two pairs of shorts!! yipee! lol and tonight i am going over to Ashelys with kimmie.
oh yea so i got this xanga thing its pretty cool.... www.xangs.com/whitrock37
its pretty shnazy!!
TTYL
.::Whitney::.
Posted at 02:46 pm by Whitney
Permalink
I cant just let it all out.
Its building up inse me,
Growing, and growing like a headache from on going stress.
It won't ever stop till you deal with it;give it medicine.
I don't know how to let it out so my mother will understand,
Se doesn't think it's me,
I am Jekyll and hyde in her mind.
From happy to sad in the blink of an eye.
My hidden emotions take over me wiht each negative comment,
They over power my body and mind,
My anger rages like an disturbed child who just needs to be understood.
I'm holding back,
I could take this so much further.
"Spoiled,Brat!" run through my mind.
Her voice, it's taunting me,
over and over,
spoiled,brat,spioled,brat...
Posted at 02:46 pm by Whitney
Permalink
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
"Loneliness"
By: Vanessa Perkins
My hear it acheing
My heart is breaking
There's an emptiness I feel that won't go away
It's there every minute of everyday
All the heavyness, and the pain...
Is nearly driving me insane
I am so lonely, and feel all alone
Each day feels the same as the one before
And all these emotions I feel, I can no longer ignore
An ocean of tears roll down my face
As I hope that my depression and loneliness will soon be erased.
Copyright ©2000 Vanessa Perkins
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"My Heart Will Go On"
There are sometimes I feel that I am so alone,
However each new day does set a new tone.
We must learn to deal with what comes our way,
It seems so hard even for me, to know what to say.
Some days it feels like I do not know where to begin,
"My Heart Will Go On", even when my patience is thin.
Some days of turmoil seem to just keep going on,
However the depth of my love will be so strong.
I know that there are angels watching me,
Their songs are of love, you can listen and see.
I'm surrounded with love by friends I've met.
My love and always with pen in hand, Sandy
==============================
you yell at me like i am dense
you scream so intense
i am afraid to look into your eyes
i feel you dont heard my crys
you cant comprehend what i am saying
you cant listen
you hear only what you want
or what you want to yell at
why cant i take a break?
i can make it...
i am stronger than you know
i get through more than you can imagine
Im not as strong as you
but i can learn
i will be strong enough soemdayus to withstand your screams
just let me breath
take a brake
you dont want me to run away...
Whitney (thats me)
Posted at 07:55 pm by Whitney
Permalink
the last 4 were not my poems but now these are
**********************************************
FuCk Up!
why do i mess everything up?
i cant do anything right.
i think i suceed and you yell at me
as if i did weed
i am a good girl inside
something has taken me over
i cant be my self anymore
what has happened?
i use to be so great
straight A's
with a smile whos rays touch everyone
i am sick of pleasing
i am sick of crying
i am sick of my self
i am so disgusted of my self
i try to go back to who i use to be
but everything just falls apart
as if God wants me to suffer.
he doesnt hear my prayers
i doesnt see my tears.
or recognize my fears
whos there for me?
who do i need?
i need to go away
escape from it all
but where?
i have no where to go
no where to run to
i need someone whos there for me
*******************************************
its not that people arent here for me
i just dont want them
i want someone who doesnt knowme
i dont know them
who wont judge me
but after listening
they will be there
they will be my friend no one knows
we will help eachother
LISTEN to oen another
where are you?
****************************************
Lost..
where do i want to go?
where will i end up?
who will be there?
who wont?
who am i?
who will i be?
what will happen?
what will bring my happiness?
where is yoru presence?
when will it end?
when will the rain turn to sun?
when will the smile coem from my tears?
why do i cry?
why do they not stop?
even when they are not visible i feel that hole inside
why cant i let it go?
is it something?
or just "hormones"?
when will i let it all out?
*********************************************
she yells over the simplest things
its hurts and stings
i miss the old her
now everythings a blurr
she hasnt aged a bit
but she needs to commit,
commit to her feelings,
why does she change her mind?
she says she doesnt want to be my friend
but i want her to be mine
when will i draw the line?
when will she?
we need a breath from one another
take care of my brothers
they miss you more now than i will
ill never tell you to chill
or that you are flipping out
i am sorry for all the smack
i promise i will be back
only if you let me go
i will never out grow
the love a daughter needs from her mother
i want to succeed
i just need to re-preoratize
i love you
i jsut need it in return
let the little things burn
Posted at 07:45 pm by Whitney
Permalink
What's wrong with me
who do I think I am?
What's gotten inside me?
I don't know, but I can't let it out.
One blink and I'm happy
The next blink and I'm sad
Who am I kidding though?
I'm not really happy
It's just the song I like for you to hear... sometimes
The real song is ugly, I don't think you want to hear it
Wait... you do?
No, no you don't, trust me, it hurts my ears to
Posted at 07:14 pm by Whitney
Permalink
SAD
I’m feeling a little low,
Time is running ever so slow.
Feeling like I want to cry,
Lifes so crap, I want to run away from it all
Nothing in this worldis worth this pain,
My existance on earth is only causing strain.
The weather inside my head is thunder,
Is it all worth it? That I wonder.
When describing my life, you have to swear,
Will I ever wake from this nightmare?
I’ll go to bed early and rise the next day,
And hopefully my problems will all go away.
Posted at 07:13 pm by Whitney
Permalink
why does life treat me so bad?
everyday im always so sad,
i regret everthing i said,
why cant i move on?
why cant my heart just give up?
why wont the pain go away?
im only 14
life is not supposed to be this way!
======================================
i WoNdeR WhaT'S ThE PoiNt oF LiViN?
My FrieNds TeLL Me iT'S ThE WaY oF LiFe
WeLL WhAt iF uR FoRgeTTiN
HoW ThE HeCk ArE u SuPPoSe To UsE a KniFe?
i WoNdEr EaCh Day
iS iT a ReASoN To STaY?
iS ThEre N E OnE WhO CaRes?
i'LL AtLeaSt GeT 1 EmaiL
So WhaT'S ThE PoiNt oF LiViNg?
=============================
Paybacks a Bitch
If I could go back and change everything, I wouldn't.
Even if I knew everything I wouldn't forget anything.
I could wish and dream but what would that do?
Maybe if you weren't you and I wasn't me.
But then again your you and I'm me,
And thats the way it'll always be.
your sweet and predictable.i'm charming and daring,
You're looking for friends with priveleges,
And I'm looking for something more.
You hurt me, but that was always the plan.
You played with me as much as you could,
And when I got old you you dropped me as if I was nothing.
Now there's someone new, and it's all good.
Maybe she'll be more or do more,
But always remember you'll never have better then me.
One day you may want to get back together.
Whether it's for real or just to play me again, I don't know.
I may say yes, but don't think things will be the same.
You made the rules and I'll just play the game.
Fair is fair so be careful how you play,
Cause from what I've heard paybacks a bitch.
=======================
I loved you.
I needed you.
I would have given up my life for you.
I would have run away in the middle of the night if you asked me too.
Never in a million years did I think you’d leave me the way you did.
You don’t know how bad it hurts.
Tears well up in my eyes but I don’t cry.
I’m stronger than that.
I always thought we’d make it.
We’d be the lucky ones to end up in that faerie tale of love.
I thought what we had would make us different.
I thought our love was real.
But I thought wrong.
If I had known that was the last time I would get to
say that I loved you, I would have said more.
I would have said everything that is in my heart.
I would have said that things you didn’t already know.
People say that love blinds you.
Well it blinded me from all you’re faults.
It blinded me from your persona.
People told me that we wouldn’t last.
But I didn’t believe them.
I still don’t know why.
But I guess I never will
Someday you’ll want to come back
But I won’t let you.
This was your last chance and you blew it.
I love you hun, but I guess you don’t feel the same.
So I'll sit by my window fighting back the tears Heart Broken.
=====================================
Letting go for all it's worth
Letting go of what we used to have
Letting go to get some respect from you
I can't let go...but I want to.
My heart fades into nothing as my hands grip tighter and tighter around your wrist.I see the pain your eyes as tears start to develope.
You cry out and beg me to let go.I can't.The more you cry and beg the tighter I hold on.
"why can't you let go?" you ask,I shrug as tears roll down my face and drip onto the floor.
People tell me to let go.Let you go.But I can't.I want to grab them to.I cry.I don't know why.I don't know why I hold on to you so tightly.I guess I fear that letting go might make something bad happen.
Letting go for all it's worth.
Letting go of what we used to have.
Letting go to get some respect from you.
My hands drop at my side.Red.You grab your wrist.People bandage it.I fall to my knees.I cry.I know why I cry now.I cry because I've let go.I've let go of you.I look up.You start to fade.I reach for you but you shake your head and completely fade away......
=====================================
At first it seemed so perfect
Like it would never end
Then a few months later
sHe's back to being a friend.
I always felt such pain
Whenever we were apart
And then one day she let me go
And left me with a broken heart.
I just lay here all alone
Thinking about our past
And all the reasons why
It had to end so fast.
I even miss the little things
Like her kissing me
But now that it's over
I only have the memory.
====================================
I've always had a feeling
That she would break my heart
But I finally gave in
Now it's tearing me apart
I feel like I'm alone
And still I wonder why
As I wait her to call
I softly begin to cry
I don't understand
Why she's doing this to me
Should I just give up ?
=====================================
At this moment I'm thinking
At this moment I'm sad
Thinkin bout times we shared
and times we had
The walks we walked now seem
so sad, so lonely, and so
apart
The times we talked now
seem so quiet and yet
i soo stole those for Davids info!! mwhahaahh
Posted at 07:10 pm by Whitney
Permalink
I CAN DO BETTER
I hear your words, words of hate.
What have I done? I used to be so great.
You treat me like muck on your shoe,
I try my best, I’ve stood by you.
I think I deserve better, a bit of respect,
But why can’t I leave? I can do better yet.
Arguing is all we ever seem to do,
When it comes down to listening, you haven’t a clue.
I’m sick of your stares and your evil eyes,
Your dirty looks and putting Chase out as a spy.
I cant talk to you, I feel you will just accuse me and tell me I am wrong
I need a break.
Let me take a breath.
Posted at 07:10 pm by Whitney
Permalink
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
i hate the way you always worry about him
i hate the way i can never go back
i hate the way its so perfect
i hate the way you ruin it with your screams
i hate the way i want to leave
i hate the way i dont want to go back
i hate the way i feel stuck
i hate the way i am growing and growing
i hate the way he smiles and i cry
i hate the way she yells and i scream
i hate the way he sits there as if nothing is happening
i hate the way they are always there for you
i hate the way miss them
i hate the way i cant go back
i hate the way i am unhappy
i hate the way i act
i hate the way i look
i hate the way i am different
i hate the way i talk
i hate the way i laugh
i hate the way i want to be wanted
i hate the way i scream for attention
i hate the way i dont like who i am
i hate the way no one else does
i hate the way i smile
i hate the way i know whats wrong
i hate the way i am nosey
i hate the way i am insicure
i hate the way i have no life;yet i am to busy to do my homework
i hate the way i do "bad" in school
i hate the way i do things i know i shouldnt
i hate the way everyone knows everything about me
i hate the way i know everything about everyone
i hate the way this list goes on and on
i hate the way i tear up when i am alone
i hate the way my eyes are healing
i hate the way i am loud
i hate the way i am a "stereo type"
i hate the way everyone looks at me
i hate the way everyone doesnt look at me
i hate the way i am rejected
i hate the way i am accepted
i hate the way i cant make up my mind
i hate the way i eat
i hate the way i judge
i hate the way i am concided
i hate the way i am pushed away
i hate the way i am pulled in
i hate the way i am done but not finished
Posted at 07:09 pm by Whitney
Permalink
|
|
  .::Whitney::. : :: ' .. . . : :: ' ..
|
|
